Happy Easter !

Tears literally flowed like a river the moment i saw your name on my phone. However much i tried to resist not listening to your voice, i succumbed to the temptation... In the end, OMG i was alerted that it was the most played ''song''. Feeling extremely reminiscent i had a sneak peek at your blog, which caused another outflux of tears.. Well, Think of it this way : I'm currently sick right now, so wait til i get better and i promise to treat you right. Merely two days have passed and i'm feeling like a God-damn zombie now... I was dead until the moment I met you. I was a  lifeless corpse pretending to be alive. Living without feelings, without anything to look forward to everyday, A slow boring death awaits me. I am willing to brave all insecurities and pain just to have you at my side. The one year plan shall carry on. I could at least deliver this much. I want to show you two things : that though all jerks are guys, not all guys are jerks. and that ; though all bro-zoned dudes are guys, not all guys should get bro-zoned. One year later, i promise. I will be the living embodiment of the perfect, fit to be your shield and your sword. I'm sick of this Cat and Mouse game, So i'm pulling all the stops out, From now on, it's gonna be three steps forward and no steps back.

-Zav 

PS : I'll be dying my hair red <3 just like you said!

PS ps : Sorry for didnt reply you. I figured if i did, the one year plan would end. So... Cya in a year (;
PS ps PS : Happy Easter! and i'm just gonna treat what you said, as a April fools joke! :D

Ouch.

Can't say i wasn't hurt when i heard that he knows your blog url too. Shock pulsed through my body, shock that he acutally knows (though somehow i wasn't that surprised since he's supposedly closer ) Fear gripped me, Fear of sudden realisation that for the past week you could actually be talking about him ... Or have you been talking about him all the time? Pain shot through me like a bullet through glass, i feel totally shattered, totally wrecked, all of a sudden i feel vunerable, too damn naked as if the only thing protecting me is just a eggshell which just got pierced by a bullet. I can feel my entire world collasping all around me covering me in a painful spiky rubble. Well, what would seem like a better way to kick start a five month suspension than the knowledge that the sole and only platform to share secrets and to indirectly talk to each other is no longer private. The forced feeling of intrusion...  The disgusting feeling of impurity... And after all, Purity Above All.

Chance

Really took me alot of courage to delete my previous post and save both parties from a heartbreak. Just hope i did the right move. No matter what, I'll never let you go. I once had a taste of paradise and i'll be working hard to taste it again. I really really hope i'll never have to post what i had posted, and that tmr, when we both wake up, we'll realise how big of a mistake that we've committed ; that we've almost expelled us from our respective lives.

Doki Doki goes my Heart D:

I started the day wondering how it was gonna end. I know you had expected somethings yet i could not find the courage within to carry out. Partially fear of getting pushed away was also holding me in place. We had a pretty average journey to ECP and started out slowly, gradually gaining momentum and as we walked towards the shoreline, i felt my Courage building and I took the leap of faith and held out my hand to ''lure'' you to the water. The moment your finger tips met mine, it's like my life has finally began and i felt my heart beating with every single step we took *sigh* why can't this moment last forever ;C . I just acted in the moment and held your hand and gripped it tightly (too tightly i might say) *sigh* what can i say, my holiday romance is about to be over and i wanna treasure every single moment together especially a moment that we were connected. I would never want to lose you or have you snatched by me, Sho Soli i had held on to you so tightly :(  Call me desperate for all i care but all i want is for you to be right with me. I bet you're caught in between crying and laughing, so i've just got one final sentence for you : You deserve the very best, so the very best i shall be ! HAHAHA!

Disappointment and jealously flooded me the moment i see the cruel horrible truth. My entire world just crashed on me. Just when i'm finish rebooting, I need to start up my system again .. Seems like my grip on the pole is getting shorter and shorter every day. I feel just like a Butterfly whose wings are slowly clipped one by one. Call me foolish or selfish or possessive if you want, All i need is just you by my side that's all .

Conflicting Emotions

Now i find myself unsure about everything (again) seems like everything i'm working hard to preserve is falling apart.. If being this way really hurts both of us that much then i'd rather not do anything at all. How ironically, despite me saying this, the very thought of us separating is unbearable. Yet on another hand if i were to continue clinging on to you without progressing, only stagnation would occur, Which eventually leads to drifting and ultimately we'll end up barely more than strangers ...

All i wanna do is just to hug you tightly, to keep you close by, to let you know that i'll always be here and that everything would be okay, to not let you slip through my fingers. *sigh* such simple intentions could really be hard to achieve ...

Can't seem to stop getting you outta my mind, perhaps my fortress-like system have finally had a breach. Could this be a sign that you're actually is who i'm searching for? Such naive thoughts attacked my mind night after night kidnapping me from the long arms of dreamland. How long can i relieve this dream before it finally fades away into non-existence ? The thought of us separating had been bearable at the start, now that cruel hard reality is flashing right before my eyes, i realised that it'll be impossible to not talk to you. I just hope that all of this still lasts after 9 more days. The fateful parting. Truth to be told, i have totally no idea what i am doing now. I just don't know anyone anymore, not even myself ... Yet i surge on in this sea of uncertainty leaving my comfort zone way behind and searching for any signs of the light house that'll guide me into your heart.

Tangled in a web of emotions

Every single day, i feel closer yet further from you. Every single day, dreams are harder to become reality yet reality are easier to become dreams. Every single day, Goals seem far away and not a single milestone is within sight.

You're like the ocean. As beautiful and alluring yet simply inconceivable. Ever changing with the tides and constantly causing me to get tangled more and more deeply into the webs of emotions that were spun by your frequent change of attitudes. Warm by day illuminated by the sun, Yet intricate by night, Glowing in the moonlight.

Every inch into the web, my response towards you gets more and more unclear. So much that it blurs the line between teasing and a serious discussion.. Yet, at the end of every night, you leave me with no doubt that my decision to stay on is right <3

Was nearly moved to tears as i read my ''soon-to-be-ex-colleague''s post on her lovely blog. Obviously i'm talking about you, my dearest flowervase (: Truth to be told, i'd rather explain it here through my awesome new wife than WA through my laggy pink phone x.x

 As i started conversing with you through unforgettable early morning chats (which results on multiple objections within my clan )  that would last for hours I started realising that a future with you in it is actually quite within my grasp and not just some holiday romance.
Well, At first i was seriously shocked that you actually feel secured with me and that you actually feel comfortable around me despite us meeting for a mere ten days.. then as we continued this path i could feel a mix of emotions behind that beautiful face of yours ; mostly made up of fear and infatuation. I kept thinking that the reason for your hesitation or your erratic bi-poalar reactions was that  i wasn't good enough or i wasn't giving enough effort. Day by Day i started trying to improve, to strive to be better. Yet with every advancement i had, you took a step back. Close friends adviced that you were just playing hard to get :x

As days went by, i was really in a dilemma as it seems like you're hot then you're cold and it caused my emotions to be jumbled up so badly that i was totally under-performing in matches until two of my best friends had a good talk with me and settled me down. At that time, i still was unsure and confused. I lay in my bed thinking for hours as my brain was overclocking and preventing sleep from reaching me. Everytime i close my eyes, you will always never fail to appear. At then i realised that i was totally head over heels for you and that i must not lose or forget you at all means.

I dreaded the next morning as i know that it would be a world's difference in the way i treat you and yet i was determinded to show that i wasn't severely affected by lastnight's conversation. Originally ignoring you seems to be the best option until i realised that the smile that would instantly brighten up any day wasn't there and a forced grimace took it's place. At that moment when we locked eyes, my heart skipped a beat and it's as if i could feel all your sadness pour into me. It was such a heart-rending moment that i almost broke down into tears. I made a vow at that instant that i would never let that kind of grimace appear on a face that i've came to love ...

Argh. Kinda Screwed my template D: Well, not like anyone's gonna be reading it anyway :P I really thought that you were the one i was looking for. However it seems like it was just wishful thinking on my part. Mmm come to think of it, It really seems quite stupid to think that a frog even attempts to lust for a swans' flesh ._.