Fear

I'm hesitating and i will be until things get clear. Second week into poly and i already feel my social life in a major mess. Girls, Girls everywhere. Why can't i just find one that's suitable for me and vice-versa. I can't slowly feel my sleeping hours get lesser and lesser. My usual 8 hour combo is now a privilege, With frequent days with only 6 or even worse 4 D: *sigh* i miss the holidays...

STRESSSS AHHH ~

I have no idea why am i still continuing blogging when i started because of you in the first place. Well, it's a good way for me to dispel my emotions i guess. Poly Day 3 and i'm already feeling the heat already. Well, partially caused by some stupid homework that i don't get what we must do. Another reason is, Well, i'm sure you can guess ; GIRLS. LOL. Well, i'm not in the mood nor am i ready for a relationship so for now, i'm just gonna focus on making friends and friends we shall be until further notice. So much girls, So no mood. *sigh* guess Zavier the Cassanova is FINALLY Maturing. Another problem that's bugging me : PLEASE stop being so sticky Miss *** *** and stop trying to start a convo with me. If i wanna talk to you, i will. All these emotions within me, AHHH only one word can describe them (quote from Kang Gary) : STRESSSSSSSS AH ~

PS: I already felt this premonition when my eyes fell on you. I hereby predict the end within the next  Five months.

Depression

My fruitful holiday's gonna end soon. WAY too soon. I'm still not ready for school yet, i still wanna live my life to the fullest and obey only this Law :

Sleep when i'm tired,

Wake when I'm not,

Eat when i'm hungry,

Play when i'm bored.

Coincidentally, it forms a poem. LOL. Well, Really met awesome people ever since i entered Ngee Ann, especially : Julian, Denise, Jana, Yi Xuan, Lee Wemn, Qi jin, Megan. I really hope i won't lose any of them and that we would grow Closer, Smarter, Stronger together! 

-Zav

Mistake

After days of over thinking, i finally realised what's preventing me from advancing. I realised that all the while ''like you said'' i was just blinded by your light and i actually wasn't your type or you, mine. I can't believe i just saw it only whereas you had the foresight. I'm greatly sorry for causing you all sorts of trouble, tears and pain. Make sure to smile and enjoy life! Goodbye, my holiday romance (:

PS : Cya this 12th. I willl try to sneak out !

PS PS : If not then i'll cya next year 11.06.14

Sometimes, i really wished there was a ''rewind'' button in life ...

Insecurity flooded me today. I woke up feeling extremely regretful and foolish. I loved you so much and missed you more. Why the hell do i have to put up all this drama when i realised that i lost? I guess i was just being a sore-Loser. The more i tried to change for the better, the more the drama drags on. I woke up today, Finally realising what i've been missing out. While i'm stuck in my own delusional world wallowing in self-despair, there's lots of memories to be made, bonds to be forged. Why am i such a God-damned sore-Loser that couldn't accept the fact that i failed (quite badly i might add) whereas others have succeed. I kept wondering if was i not good enough or did i simply take your acts of silence as attraction instead of pity? Gah, i don't wanna care about this anymore. My holiday ends in exactly 11 days and i'm not planning to let these 11 days go to waste. I'm gonna treat it as this is the last 11 days i have with you. I can safely say that i love you and i certainly do not want to lose you. I really can't believe that in my moment of weakness my 'twin' came out and wreak havoc upon my already messed up life. I can't believe i let my twin create a post with vile intentions of inflicting hurt on you. Though i gotta say every time i see another guy in your life the cage holding my twin would rattle. Well, there you have it, my reasons for my mood-swings. Yeah, Zavier go ahead and conjure up more excuses for yourself. GAH, I feel like there's a war going on inside me. uh-oh time to go swimming ~ Well, let me know if you wanna pause the ''one-year plan''. I don't blame you if you don't wanna, I can't stand myself most of the time too. I can imagining meeting myself and i bet i'll have an instant dislike towards me. I sorta figure out why it's kinda meaningless to blog out your life like this... You have multiple readers reading it. Well, for me i only have one faithful reader and i plan to keep the numbers this way. Have a goodnight and i'm looking forward to your reply / morning message tmr ~

PS : Mm, seems like you hate people younger than you, well, i feel you. but don't forget i'm mentally 21 >;)

Warning this following post could induce increased anger and/or flow of tears.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in ~

Well, it's quite true isn't it? You've caused so much and also meant as much. I can slowly feel myself losing grip on you.. and also the source of what made me alive. In just a mere few months i'll be back to the same old Zavier except with a few more cracks on my already damaged heart. But you? HAH, i bet you won't even remember me in 5 years. Well, at least not with the mount of guys flowing into your life. Call me possessive or jealous, I wouldn't even try to deny it. Yes, i AM jealous, and yes i am possessive, but i'm trying to change. Well, this certainly is a first for me, The incredibly egoistic Zavier is willing to change? wow. The incredibly Zavier is willing to change for a girl? WOW. That was the response i received when i met my primary school friends and they asked me why did i change so much. I once had this loooong talk with my bestie Gladwin. We were discussing the matter of your ''value''. I said that your value is priceless. His reply was : But what's yours to her? This question left me speechless. I didn't have the answer to that. Well, i certainly do now, though your value remains the same. Another question that shocked me was : You kept saying that she's not ready, but imagine if you truly love this person, you'll be ready whenever and wherever. Well, i just tried turned a blind ear to his remark, and not let his remark affect me. However, the moment i heard the cold hard truth, my mind wouldn't stop torturing me with despair :  Even the small kid is better than you, she can live her life without you, you and her no longer share any secret, you don't even know who she's talking about on her blog, there's nothing about her that's Zavier-exclusive anymore... Well, recently i heard you're going back to HMD, have fun working there and i'll cya in a year.... if we still matter to us that is...