Confused.

Well things certainly are looking good for me once school starts. Enjoying every part and day of mine(i guess) Mr attention seeker doesn't seem so bad now and now pra joined the group ! and i'm slowly starting to bond with the LSCT GLs and meet Miss 13june. I guess she's quite a nice girl , would love to know her more tho anything after that is the future.

One mega thing troubling me is X. What's your problem sia. Wanna dao me might as well just tell me dont wanna talk sua. Dont fucking waste my time, attention and effort. With every step you take back, i'll have to go through the effort to take an extra step. What the fuck is wrong with you. Yes i might be insensitive but still, if you don't fucking appreciate me just LET ME KNOW. No need to dao one. Really want to go back to the previous sem where we were all having fun. I was actually kinda happy i earned that star though if this is still gonna happen, YOU FUCKING TAKE IT BACK. You might see this, you might not but i dont care anymore. Yes i have been hiding behind that fake smile everytime i try my very best to cheer you up hoping for at least a reply. Yes this is the turn emotions i've been feeling. I'm like horribly pissed every single fucking time you do it to me, and worse still you do it again and again AND AGAIN AND  A G A I N. And after that you just act as if nothing happened and continue talking. DO I LOOK LIKE A MOTHER FUCKING TOY YOU CAN JUST PLAY WITH. Don't fucking take me for granted k. I've no idea what the fuck happened but i hope it better stop before i really can't take it anymore.

Weird obsessions O:

Urgh, my fantasies and obsessions getting the better of me perhaps having a nocturnal lifestyle and eating just a meal a day caused this ? No regrets man, Living my life to the fullest, Playing when i'm bored, eating when i'm hungry and sleeping when i'm tired. Perfect. Well, at least i'm enjoying life while i still can ~ Was thinking of getting a holiday job and the first thing i could think of, HMD. but the thought of you still lingers there, everytime i walk past, everytime i breath in the scent of I12, i would constantly be reminded of the times we had, though just in the distant past, but still felt like a dream to me. URGH. To work or not work T.T

Could it be ?

Today was late for exam. I saw my entire life flash past when i woke at 8.30 when the test had already started... I rushed and Ran until i barely made it past the 45 mins mark. LUCKILY i wasn't barred from it. As i waltz into class, our glances briefly met. That glance that so captivated my heart so badly. I still have no idea what this is gonna turn out but i do hope that it'll turn out well. GAH. During the test i just can't concentrate with all my panic and also you being such a Eye-catching beauty ...

Insecurity..

Seems like recently i've been losing grasp on things that i hold dear and things i'm supposed to be good at.

I recently went back maple, then when i came back to League, i found that i could no longer play as well as i did... Insecurities flooded me making me feel worthless and constantly a burden to the team.. I really hope that it does not end up being like blackshot where i lost ALL my shotgun skills and developed a mental block for shotgun :C

Fencing is quite a bit of hassle cause i can't really get the moves let alone master it D:

Sherman went to aussie to study for a least a year, really hope he does not come back being a different person( in a bad way )

Kai Qian got injured while biking which MIGHT lead to serious future problems, hope he gets better !

Parents are definitely gonna get divorced and i'm DEFINITELY gonna stick with my dad. Mum is so damn unreasonable <,<

All the things I neglected ..

Got my first Silver Ring. That's right, PURE SILVER :D 9.25%

 - Guess this sorta mean that it's time to move on and stop dwelling in the bitter-Sweet past.

Got my first blade. Uh-huh A BLADE +.+ recently took up fencing :) can't say it isn't fun ~

- Took up a new passion ~ *sigh* soo much commitments everywhere :(

ERGH. Sorta had my first dislikenemy. That's right Mr 18 year old. Start acting your age please. No need to go around and start seeking attention. Yes you might be handsome, yes you might be charming, but please, Show it off else where. 1G03 DO NOT need a idol especially not you.

Still single and still happy ( sorta ) would be happier if i had a GirlFriend ._. Hard uh Hard uh. Cannot find the ideal one.

*sigh* parents gonna break up. Well, that's to be expected. They have not been talking since... EVER. It's better this way i guess. Though i feel that if you and your partner are not THAT sure that you'll be eternally happy, DO NOT get together and more importantly DO NOT make a child. It's always the child that suffers ...

*PHEW* really had a good load off my chest. Hmmm wondering if i should just set this blog as private and start mentioning some names ? ._.

The dessert shop. Chapt : -1

Well, decided to write a novel for Sherman as he'll be leaving for aussie to study. Gonna miss him loads xC
Note : Characters are merely fictional and any coincidence is simply a coincidence. Referenced from my memories and the sweet times we spent together. Hope you don't mind me telling our story, My Way.

For the future,..

Well, now that i can't transfer to other course that i want, this year. i see no point transferring next year ... Still gonna waste a year D; *sigh* well, my best bet is to just do decent in poly and get a s'pore degree in a private uni ba ._.

Ouch, with every fencing training, i would un-doubtly come back with full body muscle aches. Well, still gonna carry on >:D Gonna order my sword next week : > Hope it comes fast. Really looking forward to it ~

URGH. Homework pilling up and i'm lazy as hell to do again. Finance seems pretty good now. Wish there's a way to keep me forever in my ''Boss'' mode D:

Stupid Asshole lecturer give the other class all pass cuz they majority girls issit while our class? more guys so half the class fail ? -.- Fucking pervert slacker. Everytime give us unusually long break think we dunno you go enjoy coffee ah _|_
FUCK YOU. Who the fuck needs 1 fucking hour to borrow a book =.= Fucking dumbshit. Hope you burn in hell bitch. Seriously our class SUAY to have you as a lecturer ah.

Time to take up a new passion .

ARGH i wanna go for more fencing Trainings ASAP. Can't wait to start learning ! I probably would take it really seriously and train hard. Though kinda worried that It ain't good enough :C FENCING Y U NO Chio Bu D;

Met many interesting people such as : Eugene, Nu Qin, Joshua, Jayce, Vivien and Celine. Really hope that we could bond and hang out more often ! Could you be the one ? *sigh* i just happen to have the pretty bad feeling that it's all just another ''Part-time'' Job D;

Challengers..

Well, it sure is a good way to end my fruitful holiday with Challengers though i'd say that it's rather F*ked up that they shorten it to 1d1n due to the haze -.- But i've made many valuable friends there and hopefully we wouldn't drift apart. REGULUS FTW !!! Hope i've finally found the right one...
#TeamRapist

Unfamiliarity..

*sigh* how should i proceed from here :C It just seems really risky and one wrong move would inevitably lead to certain awkwardness and weirdness. On the other hand, it just seems like it's just infatuation D: Well, seems like i'll have to know you better before i can decide on anything ~

I'm feeling damn guilty now. It's like once i've found this new ''target'' i've sorta forgot about you and we now rarely talk ... Is it a mistake to even start it at all ?


Once again, i find myself amazed by my new mechanical keyboard. LOL *cliak*cliak* :D

throbbing ...

Well, every i since set my eyes on you on day 2, i knew you will be a interesting person to talk to and perhaps know. Really grateful for the chance to talk to you today ~ *sigh* Guess my OCD-ism got the better of me and i really ended up sourcing information. HAH, turns out that even though he's a veteran player in LoL he really isn't even in my league. *Smiles* Heh Heh, Finally i understand the Overpowering feeling of Strength. Well, you probably won't see this so... Good for me i guess HAHA. Somehow or another i really got the feeling of wanting to know you better, and perhaps we might even end up more than friends But even if it's not *shrugs shoulders*. Well, this sure is a first for me, accepting someone that isn't ''Pure'' I somehow came to terms that Matured girls of my type definitely are not very ''PURE''. Guess i wouldn't mind giving my firsts all to you i guess. GAH. Perhaps i'm just too love-less and just looking for someone to pour it out to. Whatever it is, I sure hope that When my OCD-ness strikes, It wouldn't be lethal.

Gotta comment that my awesome keyboard is really awesome LOL. The feeling of my fingers trailing all over the keys is simply pure Bliss ~ Mechanical Keyboard, Y U SO touchy <3 ~

Happy with the little things in life...

Well, had to say that i'm really satisfied with my present. The Orgasmic 'Clicky' Sound really gives me absolute pleasure clicking it. *sigh* talk about computer addiction :/ Credit goes to : Gladwin and Sherman for helping me plan and execute my birthday party and present though i had to intervene a little bit. Guess  i was over estimating Sherman's Capabilities. HAHA. GOSH i dont even need to type this post out but guess i just wanna toy with my keyboard abit more ~ Really would recommend this keyboard to anyone that's looking for a Mech keyboard ! Oh and dyed my hair yesterday, Turned out rather green-ish blue than cyan though, but well, can't complain ~ AWESOME is AWESOME :D

Not so sweet 17th ..

Wake up in the morning, first thing i see, : HAPPY BIRTHDAY messages everywhere. But first thing i get into, A HUGE argument with Sherman. Well, he deserved it (sorta). Overall kinda happy with what i've got and what i didn't got. HAHA, i mean, it could get WAY worser right ? *sigh* Guess those that matter don't mind and those that mind, don't matter. Overall, really happy to have you in my life. I mean, you're always constantly behind my back supporting me in whatever way you can. Really Thanks alot. If it weren't for you I'd probably have much more sleepless nights *Sigh* Yes, i'm talking about you, Blur Queen ( congratz on finding my blog url After soo long! )

Quote :  people will remember if they bothered. If they don't, it doesn't mean they don't care. Hmmm... True actually. Well, enough of my wishful thinking of a late but surprise wish. Time to grow up i guess. Though kinda tragic that someone that meant the world to me actually could mean so little now. Heard that you ended up in poly, 

have fun, Enjoy your life and All the best i guess ._.

So much homework, so damn lazy. HAHA rather ironic that i have the time to post and no time to do my homework. LOL. *sigh* hope you people stop thinking that me and her are a couple please. I'm not ready for a relationship now, and besides, she's just a good friend and i plan for it to maintain that way. I don't know you people are envious, trying to poke fun or simply have nothing better to do but please STALPH.

Seeing your pain, wanting to share your burden. reminiscing of the past.

I admit i'm still rather addicted to you, even though i thought i that i would move on like i always would. I just realised that i subconsciencously stopped by your blog everytime i had a chance to. Every single time when i chance upon your recorded message, i would inevitably shed a tear upon hearing your voice. I'm constantly on the verge of trying to talk to you again, but i know there's no room for me anymore. It's just not possible anymore. My impression have been tainted that when ever i thought of you, pain and disgust will fill me. Well, ironic huh. Guess that's one of the side effects of vinegar. Especially over something like a creep.

Hate me for all you want, i don't wanna care anymore. And here's to you people out there that think you're better cuz you're older : _|_. Being older doesn't mean you get all the girls... get all the attention... get everything. Start acting your age please.

So Many Friends Soo little time D: *sigh*

I can feel the heat once again D: Projects, Exams, Friendships and Relationships are all being stretched to the limit. And i'm just to lazy to do anything about it :/ Kudos to my Projectmates where i leave most of the stuff to, My sincerest apologies to those friends that i've neglected.

*sigh* everyday we're getting closer and closer, But i don't wanna ruin it all by taking the wrong step. So i'm just gonna maintain this until i'm 100% sure that it right. I don't want it to end badly, like all your ''Predecessors''

Happy birthday Mun Yong :> Woah we've known each other for ... 10 years ?! Well, suddenly got the urge to give credit to those bros that i've known for a while, so here it goes :
Gladwin : for constantly staying by my side and  faithfully supporting me all the while despite all the many differences we had.
Raphael : for accompanying me through my entire sec 3 and 4 life and being someone that i can rely on.
Timothy : for being a despite 'part-time' but awesome friend whom i can confide in.
Boon Khong : Woah God knows how long it's been since i last typed your name, though we've taken extremely different paths now, undeninably you've been a irreplaceable part of my life.
Last but not least, The ''newcomers''
Guo Qian : Well, i'm rather please with your somewhat fun filled companionship and i'm starting to trust you more and more. I've only recently ( and unknowingly ) started to get closer to you after we got into NP and i'm beginning to see you as another part of my ''bro'' family. Welcome to the group bro !
Jana : Hmmm a really interesting person over all and despite our major differences in characters and personalities, we could really connect on another whole new level. Hope to know you better !
Xin Kai : Woah, this is the first week i've known you as my coursemate and it feels like i've known you for a while. Thanks for constantly helping me whenever i'm in a pinch and thanks for your constant companionship.

Argh homework piling up but i'm soo lazy to move my ass D: *sigh* seems like i'm totally not ready for any relationship or anything like that right now so... Gonna just wait i guess ._. Let time be the tester (:

2 Different Girls, 2 Similar Heart-Breaks 2 Identical Heart-Throb

Yes Yes, i know today is an important day. Yes, i know i'm being a douche bag by purposely not doing or saying anything. Yesterday at exactly 11.59 pm. I was held in place by two opposing forces. To be or not to be . You can Call me a liar, call this a lame excuse for ''forgetting''. Up to you. Though i suppose in the end, it should be a ''to be'' i spent the entire day pondering about this question. Well, here it goes : Happy Birthday, and also the 3rd-month anniversary of our chance meeting. Everything is just so severely broken on both sides now that it'll take much more than another miracle to fix this. I suppose even being friends is rather difficult now. Well, my next year's birthday will be spent with you, i really hope that when that time comes, we'll both be ready. Though i suppose you could end it all with a single sentence : ''I've watched one already.'' Argh, well, Enjoy your time with him and don't forget me yeah? You'll always remain in my heart and mind as Miss Holiday Romance :)

*Sigh* seeing you on the bus is like falling back in love with you and getting hurt all over once again. Upon Seeing your silhouette, my heart's being thorn into a million pieces. I feel the same dread surging  through my veins again. NO WAY i'm gonna let that happen again. So i just pop my headset on being thankful that my music's gonna go through this with me. Alas, the moment you walked pass me, my phone's battery died out. i was caught between ignoring you and talking to you. But i know that it's already too late. So i managed a weak smile and continue pretending that you weren't there anymore. I'm really sorry for being such a Arsehole but i just couldn't stand it anymore...

ARGH. So many questions so little time, so lack of answers. Just as i was feeling rather settled down and could see the Pure white clean slate cover my past regrets and mistakes, my entire world was shaken upside down and the Pure whiteness cloud my vision like a snow-globe. So sorry, i don't have the answers you seek right now. Just a little more. Just let me rest for a little more..

PS : I wanted to be the first, but i knew that it wasn't possible as there's people much more important to you than me so i'll try to be the last. Hope you don't blame me for it.

Fear

I'm hesitating and i will be until things get clear. Second week into poly and i already feel my social life in a major mess. Girls, Girls everywhere. Why can't i just find one that's suitable for me and vice-versa. I can't slowly feel my sleeping hours get lesser and lesser. My usual 8 hour combo is now a privilege, With frequent days with only 6 or even worse 4 D: *sigh* i miss the holidays...

STRESSSS AHHH ~

I have no idea why am i still continuing blogging when i started because of you in the first place. Well, it's a good way for me to dispel my emotions i guess. Poly Day 3 and i'm already feeling the heat already. Well, partially caused by some stupid homework that i don't get what we must do. Another reason is, Well, i'm sure you can guess ; GIRLS. LOL. Well, i'm not in the mood nor am i ready for a relationship so for now, i'm just gonna focus on making friends and friends we shall be until further notice. So much girls, So no mood. *sigh* guess Zavier the Cassanova is FINALLY Maturing. Another problem that's bugging me : PLEASE stop being so sticky Miss *** *** and stop trying to start a convo with me. If i wanna talk to you, i will. All these emotions within me, AHHH only one word can describe them (quote from Kang Gary) : STRESSSSSSSS AH ~

PS: I already felt this premonition when my eyes fell on you. I hereby predict the end within the next  Five months.

Depression

My fruitful holiday's gonna end soon. WAY too soon. I'm still not ready for school yet, i still wanna live my life to the fullest and obey only this Law :

Sleep when i'm tired,

Wake when I'm not,

Eat when i'm hungry,

Play when i'm bored.

Coincidentally, it forms a poem. LOL. Well, Really met awesome people ever since i entered Ngee Ann, especially : Julian, Denise, Jana, Yi Xuan, Lee Wemn, Qi jin, Megan. I really hope i won't lose any of them and that we would grow Closer, Smarter, Stronger together! 

-Zav

Mistake

After days of over thinking, i finally realised what's preventing me from advancing. I realised that all the while ''like you said'' i was just blinded by your light and i actually wasn't your type or you, mine. I can't believe i just saw it only whereas you had the foresight. I'm greatly sorry for causing you all sorts of trouble, tears and pain. Make sure to smile and enjoy life! Goodbye, my holiday romance (:

PS : Cya this 12th. I willl try to sneak out !

PS PS : If not then i'll cya next year 11.06.14

Sometimes, i really wished there was a ''rewind'' button in life ...

Insecurity flooded me today. I woke up feeling extremely regretful and foolish. I loved you so much and missed you more. Why the hell do i have to put up all this drama when i realised that i lost? I guess i was just being a sore-Loser. The more i tried to change for the better, the more the drama drags on. I woke up today, Finally realising what i've been missing out. While i'm stuck in my own delusional world wallowing in self-despair, there's lots of memories to be made, bonds to be forged. Why am i such a God-damned sore-Loser that couldn't accept the fact that i failed (quite badly i might add) whereas others have succeed. I kept wondering if was i not good enough or did i simply take your acts of silence as attraction instead of pity? Gah, i don't wanna care about this anymore. My holiday ends in exactly 11 days and i'm not planning to let these 11 days go to waste. I'm gonna treat it as this is the last 11 days i have with you. I can safely say that i love you and i certainly do not want to lose you. I really can't believe that in my moment of weakness my 'twin' came out and wreak havoc upon my already messed up life. I can't believe i let my twin create a post with vile intentions of inflicting hurt on you. Though i gotta say every time i see another guy in your life the cage holding my twin would rattle. Well, there you have it, my reasons for my mood-swings. Yeah, Zavier go ahead and conjure up more excuses for yourself. GAH, I feel like there's a war going on inside me. uh-oh time to go swimming ~ Well, let me know if you wanna pause the ''one-year plan''. I don't blame you if you don't wanna, I can't stand myself most of the time too. I can imagining meeting myself and i bet i'll have an instant dislike towards me. I sorta figure out why it's kinda meaningless to blog out your life like this... You have multiple readers reading it. Well, for me i only have one faithful reader and i plan to keep the numbers this way. Have a goodnight and i'm looking forward to your reply / morning message tmr ~

PS : Mm, seems like you hate people younger than you, well, i feel you. but don't forget i'm mentally 21 >;)

Warning this following post could induce increased anger and/or flow of tears.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in ~

Well, it's quite true isn't it? You've caused so much and also meant as much. I can slowly feel myself losing grip on you.. and also the source of what made me alive. In just a mere few months i'll be back to the same old Zavier except with a few more cracks on my already damaged heart. But you? HAH, i bet you won't even remember me in 5 years. Well, at least not with the mount of guys flowing into your life. Call me possessive or jealous, I wouldn't even try to deny it. Yes, i AM jealous, and yes i am possessive, but i'm trying to change. Well, this certainly is a first for me, The incredibly egoistic Zavier is willing to change? wow. The incredibly Zavier is willing to change for a girl? WOW. That was the response i received when i met my primary school friends and they asked me why did i change so much. I once had this loooong talk with my bestie Gladwin. We were discussing the matter of your ''value''. I said that your value is priceless. His reply was : But what's yours to her? This question left me speechless. I didn't have the answer to that. Well, i certainly do now, though your value remains the same. Another question that shocked me was : You kept saying that she's not ready, but imagine if you truly love this person, you'll be ready whenever and wherever. Well, i just tried turned a blind ear to his remark, and not let his remark affect me. However, the moment i heard the cold hard truth, my mind wouldn't stop torturing me with despair :  Even the small kid is better than you, she can live her life without you, you and her no longer share any secret, you don't even know who she's talking about on her blog, there's nothing about her that's Zavier-exclusive anymore... Well, recently i heard you're going back to HMD, have fun working there and i'll cya in a year.... if we still matter to us that is...

Happy Easter !

Tears literally flowed like a river the moment i saw your name on my phone. However much i tried to resist not listening to your voice, i succumbed to the temptation... In the end, OMG i was alerted that it was the most played ''song''. Feeling extremely reminiscent i had a sneak peek at your blog, which caused another outflux of tears.. Well, Think of it this way : I'm currently sick right now, so wait til i get better and i promise to treat you right. Merely two days have passed and i'm feeling like a God-damn zombie now... I was dead until the moment I met you. I was a  lifeless corpse pretending to be alive. Living without feelings, without anything to look forward to everyday, A slow boring death awaits me. I am willing to brave all insecurities and pain just to have you at my side. The one year plan shall carry on. I could at least deliver this much. I want to show you two things : that though all jerks are guys, not all guys are jerks. and that ; though all bro-zoned dudes are guys, not all guys should get bro-zoned. One year later, i promise. I will be the living embodiment of the perfect, fit to be your shield and your sword. I'm sick of this Cat and Mouse game, So i'm pulling all the stops out, From now on, it's gonna be three steps forward and no steps back.

-Zav 

PS : I'll be dying my hair red <3 just like you said!

PS ps : Sorry for didnt reply you. I figured if i did, the one year plan would end. So... Cya in a year (;
PS ps PS : Happy Easter! and i'm just gonna treat what you said, as a April fools joke! :D

Ouch.

Can't say i wasn't hurt when i heard that he knows your blog url too. Shock pulsed through my body, shock that he acutally knows (though somehow i wasn't that surprised since he's supposedly closer ) Fear gripped me, Fear of sudden realisation that for the past week you could actually be talking about him ... Or have you been talking about him all the time? Pain shot through me like a bullet through glass, i feel totally shattered, totally wrecked, all of a sudden i feel vunerable, too damn naked as if the only thing protecting me is just a eggshell which just got pierced by a bullet. I can feel my entire world collasping all around me covering me in a painful spiky rubble. Well, what would seem like a better way to kick start a five month suspension than the knowledge that the sole and only platform to share secrets and to indirectly talk to each other is no longer private. The forced feeling of intrusion...  The disgusting feeling of impurity... And after all, Purity Above All.

Chance

Really took me alot of courage to delete my previous post and save both parties from a heartbreak. Just hope i did the right move. No matter what, I'll never let you go. I once had a taste of paradise and i'll be working hard to taste it again. I really really hope i'll never have to post what i had posted, and that tmr, when we both wake up, we'll realise how big of a mistake that we've committed ; that we've almost expelled us from our respective lives.

Doki Doki goes my Heart D:

I started the day wondering how it was gonna end. I know you had expected somethings yet i could not find the courage within to carry out. Partially fear of getting pushed away was also holding me in place. We had a pretty average journey to ECP and started out slowly, gradually gaining momentum and as we walked towards the shoreline, i felt my Courage building and I took the leap of faith and held out my hand to ''lure'' you to the water. The moment your finger tips met mine, it's like my life has finally began and i felt my heart beating with every single step we took *sigh* why can't this moment last forever ;C . I just acted in the moment and held your hand and gripped it tightly (too tightly i might say) *sigh* what can i say, my holiday romance is about to be over and i wanna treasure every single moment together especially a moment that we were connected. I would never want to lose you or have you snatched by me, Sho Soli i had held on to you so tightly :(  Call me desperate for all i care but all i want is for you to be right with me. I bet you're caught in between crying and laughing, so i've just got one final sentence for you : You deserve the very best, so the very best i shall be ! HAHAHA!

Disappointment and jealously flooded me the moment i see the cruel horrible truth. My entire world just crashed on me. Just when i'm finish rebooting, I need to start up my system again .. Seems like my grip on the pole is getting shorter and shorter every day. I feel just like a Butterfly whose wings are slowly clipped one by one. Call me foolish or selfish or possessive if you want, All i need is just you by my side that's all .

Conflicting Emotions

Now i find myself unsure about everything (again) seems like everything i'm working hard to preserve is falling apart.. If being this way really hurts both of us that much then i'd rather not do anything at all. How ironically, despite me saying this, the very thought of us separating is unbearable. Yet on another hand if i were to continue clinging on to you without progressing, only stagnation would occur, Which eventually leads to drifting and ultimately we'll end up barely more than strangers ...

All i wanna do is just to hug you tightly, to keep you close by, to let you know that i'll always be here and that everything would be okay, to not let you slip through my fingers. *sigh* such simple intentions could really be hard to achieve ...

Can't seem to stop getting you outta my mind, perhaps my fortress-like system have finally had a breach. Could this be a sign that you're actually is who i'm searching for? Such naive thoughts attacked my mind night after night kidnapping me from the long arms of dreamland. How long can i relieve this dream before it finally fades away into non-existence ? The thought of us separating had been bearable at the start, now that cruel hard reality is flashing right before my eyes, i realised that it'll be impossible to not talk to you. I just hope that all of this still lasts after 9 more days. The fateful parting. Truth to be told, i have totally no idea what i am doing now. I just don't know anyone anymore, not even myself ... Yet i surge on in this sea of uncertainty leaving my comfort zone way behind and searching for any signs of the light house that'll guide me into your heart.

Tangled in a web of emotions

Every single day, i feel closer yet further from you. Every single day, dreams are harder to become reality yet reality are easier to become dreams. Every single day, Goals seem far away and not a single milestone is within sight.

You're like the ocean. As beautiful and alluring yet simply inconceivable. Ever changing with the tides and constantly causing me to get tangled more and more deeply into the webs of emotions that were spun by your frequent change of attitudes. Warm by day illuminated by the sun, Yet intricate by night, Glowing in the moonlight.

Every inch into the web, my response towards you gets more and more unclear. So much that it blurs the line between teasing and a serious discussion.. Yet, at the end of every night, you leave me with no doubt that my decision to stay on is right <3

Was nearly moved to tears as i read my ''soon-to-be-ex-colleague''s post on her lovely blog. Obviously i'm talking about you, my dearest flowervase (: Truth to be told, i'd rather explain it here through my awesome new wife than WA through my laggy pink phone x.x

 As i started conversing with you through unforgettable early morning chats (which results on multiple objections within my clan )  that would last for hours I started realising that a future with you in it is actually quite within my grasp and not just some holiday romance.
Well, At first i was seriously shocked that you actually feel secured with me and that you actually feel comfortable around me despite us meeting for a mere ten days.. then as we continued this path i could feel a mix of emotions behind that beautiful face of yours ; mostly made up of fear and infatuation. I kept thinking that the reason for your hesitation or your erratic bi-poalar reactions was that  i wasn't good enough or i wasn't giving enough effort. Day by Day i started trying to improve, to strive to be better. Yet with every advancement i had, you took a step back. Close friends adviced that you were just playing hard to get :x

As days went by, i was really in a dilemma as it seems like you're hot then you're cold and it caused my emotions to be jumbled up so badly that i was totally under-performing in matches until two of my best friends had a good talk with me and settled me down. At that time, i still was unsure and confused. I lay in my bed thinking for hours as my brain was overclocking and preventing sleep from reaching me. Everytime i close my eyes, you will always never fail to appear. At then i realised that i was totally head over heels for you and that i must not lose or forget you at all means.

I dreaded the next morning as i know that it would be a world's difference in the way i treat you and yet i was determinded to show that i wasn't severely affected by lastnight's conversation. Originally ignoring you seems to be the best option until i realised that the smile that would instantly brighten up any day wasn't there and a forced grimace took it's place. At that moment when we locked eyes, my heart skipped a beat and it's as if i could feel all your sadness pour into me. It was such a heart-rending moment that i almost broke down into tears. I made a vow at that instant that i would never let that kind of grimace appear on a face that i've came to love ...

Argh. Kinda Screwed my template D: Well, not like anyone's gonna be reading it anyway :P I really thought that you were the one i was looking for. However it seems like it was just wishful thinking on my part. Mmm come to think of it, It really seems quite stupid to think that a frog even attempts to lust for a swans' flesh ._.