Wild roller coaster ride

It's been almost a month since we've begun talking, yet there's many times that I'd want to write about it on this page. And many times I did but ended up removing it.

HAHAH but here's it. Something thats been on my mind since ever, as much as you'd like to hide, you're really popular and thats what's driving me insane.

I really am a protective creature and at times I'm insecure af which makes my mind run wild. How many other people that you're talking to and God knows how many more to go.

Once you told me that you'd ignore a chat and only click it after a few hours, maybe it's just me imagining stuff but I'm starting to see the symptoms. Maybe it's not meant to be?

Maybe it's all just one large goose chase. Every damn time, I invest too much and too deeply, time wise and emotions wise.

It's been a while.

HAHA, probably been like 2 year since i've even opened up this site and reminisce about my past and my mistakes. 2 long years, as I looked back on my countless crushes and my immaturity to do anything about it. The question now is, is it going to be the same now? Looking at our past, we are like the total opposites. One is a gold mine of experience another is just a reservoir of deep, dark, coldness.

Not gonna jinx anything, so I ain't typing anything else.

Moving on, my OCS dilemma. Half of me thinks that based on my BMT performance it'll be good enough, the other half worries that without that IPPT gold and a decent GPA it wouldn't be.

Stalker much D:

Well, internship's been a real bore. Not to mention the tiring mess I am when i get home as i sink into pure bliss into my comfy bed never wanting to wake again. Met this really cute and cool chick at work yesterday. But through some searching, found out that she's totally outta my league :( She's almost exactly opposite. But hey, opposites attract right?

Happy alentine's Day ~

Happy alentine's Day ~ Missing a V cause I obviously didnt got any yesterday :( Oh well, At least i spent my day contended playing video games and sleeping in. Argh, In a really spiteful mode now ~_~ Exams and shit pilling up and i'm slowly getting strangled to death by it D: Yet the only thing in my brain's Caramell-Dansen = = Reminiscing the past and seeing that everyone that I left in the past mostly moved on and found someone better. Can't help to doubt if i'm really fated to always be left behind ._. Welp, back to my attention-hungry notes :(

True Blue

So many thoughts flowing through recently, Kinda having an unreciprocated, one sided obsession for you. Valentines' coming in just two days and I haven't even thought of anything to do for / with you, not like you've no plans for yourself anyway. Busy as a bee and more popz than popular 'hur hur' Hearing your plans to go out with yet another guy again really rends a huge hole in my half twisted half ripped beyond repair heart. When am i gonna grow up and stop with this pointless obsessions. You're everything that I hope for yet have everything that I don't, Maybe it's this Irony that's pulling me deeper and deeper towards you. Towards the center of this pointless Obsession for you. Was really happy that you're willing to Cut down on clubbing and drinking and even smoking. Really proud of you if you can finally make this step forward. Then again, countless doubts within me arise upon hearing those words; how long can you last? Or a better question would be; how long can I?

Doki Doki right in my kokoro

Well, apparently there's this ultimate wing bro that managed to snag me an opportunity to you know, take a step further. However, it is during this opportunity that I realized that actually we weren't as compatible as I thought we would be, getting together was already impossible let alone marriage. Though the first words from her mouth when we talked about marriage was, whose gonna get the kids after the divorce and also cold sentiments about my ignorance and immaturity, Though I did hear her mumble something about smiles or something. Welp, probably just another one of my wishful thinking :/ thought I gotta say, that actually made my heart race.

There she goes, There she goes again ~

Soo recently, there's this really special person. Someone that keeps weaving in and out of my life. Someone that we started off by going through the rocks. I kinda know that she's impossible, but I just cant shake the feeling that though we're mutually exclusive, it somehow seems pretty picture-able. Like it's closer to reality than dream. But as per usual, it's probably my desires and ego blurring the lines between reality and dream. She has exactly everything that I'm not looking for, but she's also the one that I seem to be receptive of bending or even breaking the Purity rule. She definitely has tongued someone before, anything more, well that's pretty much my limits i guess. Can't forget her cute laughter, our midnight-dawn conversations. Gonna be soo dead if she finds out, but it's this exciting, thrilling factor that keeps me going. She already has a crush already though and every single day seeing her devotion towards him is slowly crushing me. She is that one person I wouldn't have fell for but it's always the unseen threat that is the deadliest. Notice me, Senpai :3

Happy birthday

Hey, have a great 20th :) just wanna let you know, I really have had fun while it lasts and I would like it to simply remain a memory. I didn't really forgot about you when I went on to poly, but it's for the best as it is like this. We shouldn't risk ruining the picture perfect memories we've had frozen the previous time. Thanks again for everything and all the best in your life :)

If Only ...

Well, if only I actually could listen to this. Everything would make sense and i guess i'll probably stop being so ... well, Zavier.

Ups and downs II

Well, when I finally thought I actually had a chance, it simply crashes and burns once more. Why is it always like this. Urgh. Really getting sick of this rubbish 😨

Conclusion

Well, to sum it all up, I guess I would conclude that I had and still have a little infatuation (OKAY, maybe a lot) with miss A. But I'll probably just let it go. If we're meant to be then we are. I mean, no point going after someone that you know wouldn't mutual, it'll just annoy her and at the same time kill you. So, RIPPPPP ._.

Final countdown

Wow. Really ironic. It's always the first and last few days where things always heat up. I'm sorry I'm just too obsessed with you. I'm probably freaking you out (a lot). I think I'll just let it end like this ba. Nothing good will be born out of an engine disease ._. 8 days to freedom ~

Obsessed.

Miss A, seems like when I'm about to give up, another shining opportunity arises. Although it's another 8 days left, I do wish these 8 days are spent happily. I really made up my mind Lastnight about stopping it, since it's pretty evident that I like you, ( yes, that's right, I do ) but you don't really have any reactions what so ever. Which brings me to the conclusion that, it's only one-sided on my side. And that, who would want someone that you don't like, constantly asking you out and trying to talk to you. Well, you'll probably be annoyed or irritated. So I guess maybe I should stop.

But then again, seeing you in a light blue denim shirt with bouncy... Short hair ;) really re-ignites the flame within. And out of sheer good luck, we had a conversation and I actually plucked my courage to ask you out. Keeping my fingers crossed it will actually work out!

I missed you. But it's time for goodbyes :)

I really missed you. But seeing you so happy with him, I'm happy for ya. I sorely missed those fleeting moments that we shared, moments that I know will only remain a memory and would one day fade to gray. But, it's time to move on. You have and it's really about time for me too. 

Desperation and Obsession

Moody once more. *sigh* stupid phone provider spoil mood sia -.-

Well, I'm thinking that I'm actually too obsessed with her huh. Well, I guess once all this ends it probably won't really matter much ._. So much for a ray of hope ...

Ray Of Hope

Finally I see a ray of hope. It was Unexpected but, helpful. Finally something to keep me going :)

Although it kinda crashed and burned at the end. Could you be the mystery BR. Sure hope it's not. I wouldn't be able to sleep in peace 😨

Mehhhhhhh

Things are going well so far :) had breakfast with her. And my asshole friends of cause feel the need to ruin it all 😒 oh well, she really is cute while eating 😂

Ups and downs

Well well, seems like my emotions' somewhat more stable. Though there are still times where I still have spikes of affection towards you. Haha. It'll probably fade away after this whole OIP thing but still, kinda wished I could do something about it before this 33 days are over ..

I can't take it any more

Yes, I've contracted the terminal engine disease. No I do not know how to settle it. Amelia. I think I'm infatuated with you. Why do you even cut short hair in the first place. I think nothing wouldn't have started without your haircut. This might be weird and all, but I'm severely affected by your responses and stuff. Call me stupid but it seems like I'm really really infatuated with you.

Boring

Calligraphy class is borish. Damn. Another reason to hate this stupid OIP shit. Well, the only thing that's driving me on is that cool ass ZARA cloak 😍 

Update from ShangHai

14th  March : 

I severely regretted joining this stupid OIP trip. Sure, i made efforts to blend in but i guess it's just not enough. I just can't seem to fit into my environment.

21th March :

Arguments starts to happen. I think i've got the engine disease T.T GAHHHH, why do i always get attracted to girls with short hair :/ 

Engine Disease : Mostly occur in engineering guys due to the lack of females, their standards drop low, hence settling for that ''unattractive'' girl that they once saw on day 1 as an angel in disguise. No offence or anything.

23rd March :

Can't believe it. I put them together then now she seems interested in him. Gosh what am i gonna do ~ D:

''PMS'', Mood swings, feeling down. Though i know it isn't much of a thing and i'm simply over-reacting. suddenly i feel so alone in this foreign land. aimless and directionless. hoping this 33days of hell would end fast.

24th March :

As infatuation sets in, the mood continues downhill. Talk about Bi-Polar

I somehow can imagine a future with you. Heh. Seems like my engine disease is at it's terminal stage ..

Troubled.

Urgh. I don't even fucking know what i'm doing anymore man. What's the point of everything. Why did i even went to talk to Y bout this. It's not like it's gonna help. Really dont feel like facing my class anymore man. The feeling of bonding's just not there. Not when there's such a strong feeling of  distrust and conflict...

I sorely miss you ...

This literally sums it all up for me. I really miss you so much. Yes, i meant you. Not any other girls. Those late night conversations we've had, the times we spent together, the things we've done together. I clearly remember every single one of those times (:
Yes, you've obviously left a mark on my heart, Yes, undoubtly you've left a hole from where you've left and Yes, it freaking hurts from where it's not mended. I'm sorry for trying to forget you, cause deep down i know i can't and will probably never. So please ...

Confused.

Well things certainly are looking good for me once school starts. Enjoying every part and day of mine(i guess) Mr attention seeker doesn't seem so bad now and now pra joined the group ! and i'm slowly starting to bond with the LSCT GLs and meet Miss 13june. I guess she's quite a nice girl , would love to know her more tho anything after that is the future.

One mega thing troubling me is X. What's your problem sia. Wanna dao me might as well just tell me dont wanna talk sua. Dont fucking waste my time, attention and effort. With every step you take back, i'll have to go through the effort to take an extra step. What the fuck is wrong with you. Yes i might be insensitive but still, if you don't fucking appreciate me just LET ME KNOW. No need to dao one. Really want to go back to the previous sem where we were all having fun. I was actually kinda happy i earned that star though if this is still gonna happen, YOU FUCKING TAKE IT BACK. You might see this, you might not but i dont care anymore. Yes i have been hiding behind that fake smile everytime i try my very best to cheer you up hoping for at least a reply. Yes this is the turn emotions i've been feeling. I'm like horribly pissed every single fucking time you do it to me, and worse still you do it again and again AND AGAIN AND  A G A I N. And after that you just act as if nothing happened and continue talking. DO I LOOK LIKE A MOTHER FUCKING TOY YOU CAN JUST PLAY WITH. Don't fucking take me for granted k. I've no idea what the fuck happened but i hope it better stop before i really can't take it anymore.

Weird obsessions O:

Urgh, my fantasies and obsessions getting the better of me perhaps having a nocturnal lifestyle and eating just a meal a day caused this ? No regrets man, Living my life to the fullest, Playing when i'm bored, eating when i'm hungry and sleeping when i'm tired. Perfect. Well, at least i'm enjoying life while i still can ~ Was thinking of getting a holiday job and the first thing i could think of, HMD. but the thought of you still lingers there, everytime i walk past, everytime i breath in the scent of I12, i would constantly be reminded of the times we had, though just in the distant past, but still felt like a dream to me. URGH. To work or not work T.T

Could it be ?

Today was late for exam. I saw my entire life flash past when i woke at 8.30 when the test had already started... I rushed and Ran until i barely made it past the 45 mins mark. LUCKILY i wasn't barred from it. As i waltz into class, our glances briefly met. That glance that so captivated my heart so badly. I still have no idea what this is gonna turn out but i do hope that it'll turn out well. GAH. During the test i just can't concentrate with all my panic and also you being such a Eye-catching beauty ...

Insecurity..

Seems like recently i've been losing grasp on things that i hold dear and things i'm supposed to be good at.

I recently went back maple, then when i came back to League, i found that i could no longer play as well as i did... Insecurities flooded me making me feel worthless and constantly a burden to the team.. I really hope that it does not end up being like blackshot where i lost ALL my shotgun skills and developed a mental block for shotgun :C

Fencing is quite a bit of hassle cause i can't really get the moves let alone master it D:

Sherman went to aussie to study for a least a year, really hope he does not come back being a different person( in a bad way )

Kai Qian got injured while biking which MIGHT lead to serious future problems, hope he gets better !

Parents are definitely gonna get divorced and i'm DEFINITELY gonna stick with my dad. Mum is so damn unreasonable <,<

All the things I neglected ..

Got my first Silver Ring. That's right, PURE SILVER :D 9.25%

 - Guess this sorta mean that it's time to move on and stop dwelling in the bitter-Sweet past.

Got my first blade. Uh-huh A BLADE +.+ recently took up fencing :) can't say it isn't fun ~

- Took up a new passion ~ *sigh* soo much commitments everywhere :(

ERGH. Sorta had my first dislikenemy. That's right Mr 18 year old. Start acting your age please. No need to go around and start seeking attention. Yes you might be handsome, yes you might be charming, but please, Show it off else where. 1G03 DO NOT need a idol especially not you.

Still single and still happy ( sorta ) would be happier if i had a GirlFriend ._. Hard uh Hard uh. Cannot find the ideal one.

*sigh* parents gonna break up. Well, that's to be expected. They have not been talking since... EVER. It's better this way i guess. Though i feel that if you and your partner are not THAT sure that you'll be eternally happy, DO NOT get together and more importantly DO NOT make a child. It's always the child that suffers ...

*PHEW* really had a good load off my chest. Hmmm wondering if i should just set this blog as private and start mentioning some names ? ._.

The dessert shop. Chapt : -1

Well, decided to write a novel for Sherman as he'll be leaving for aussie to study. Gonna miss him loads xC
Note : Characters are merely fictional and any coincidence is simply a coincidence. Referenced from my memories and the sweet times we spent together. Hope you don't mind me telling our story, My Way.

For the future,..

Well, now that i can't transfer to other course that i want, this year. i see no point transferring next year ... Still gonna waste a year D; *sigh* well, my best bet is to just do decent in poly and get a s'pore degree in a private uni ba ._.

Ouch, with every fencing training, i would un-doubtly come back with full body muscle aches. Well, still gonna carry on >:D Gonna order my sword next week : > Hope it comes fast. Really looking forward to it ~

URGH. Homework pilling up and i'm lazy as hell to do again. Finance seems pretty good now. Wish there's a way to keep me forever in my ''Boss'' mode D:

Stupid Asshole lecturer give the other class all pass cuz they majority girls issit while our class? more guys so half the class fail ? -.- Fucking pervert slacker. Everytime give us unusually long break think we dunno you go enjoy coffee ah _|_
FUCK YOU. Who the fuck needs 1 fucking hour to borrow a book =.= Fucking dumbshit. Hope you burn in hell bitch. Seriously our class SUAY to have you as a lecturer ah.

Time to take up a new passion .

ARGH i wanna go for more fencing Trainings ASAP. Can't wait to start learning ! I probably would take it really seriously and train hard. Though kinda worried that It ain't good enough :C FENCING Y U NO Chio Bu D;

Met many interesting people such as : Eugene, Nu Qin, Joshua, Jayce, Vivien and Celine. Really hope that we could bond and hang out more often ! Could you be the one ? *sigh* i just happen to have the pretty bad feeling that it's all just another ''Part-time'' Job D;

Challengers..

Well, it sure is a good way to end my fruitful holiday with Challengers though i'd say that it's rather F*ked up that they shorten it to 1d1n due to the haze -.- But i've made many valuable friends there and hopefully we wouldn't drift apart. REGULUS FTW !!! Hope i've finally found the right one...
#TeamRapist

Unfamiliarity..

*sigh* how should i proceed from here :C It just seems really risky and one wrong move would inevitably lead to certain awkwardness and weirdness. On the other hand, it just seems like it's just infatuation D: Well, seems like i'll have to know you better before i can decide on anything ~

I'm feeling damn guilty now. It's like once i've found this new ''target'' i've sorta forgot about you and we now rarely talk ... Is it a mistake to even start it at all ?


Once again, i find myself amazed by my new mechanical keyboard. LOL *cliak*cliak* :D

throbbing ...

Well, every i since set my eyes on you on day 2, i knew you will be a interesting person to talk to and perhaps know. Really grateful for the chance to talk to you today ~ *sigh* Guess my OCD-ism got the better of me and i really ended up sourcing information. HAH, turns out that even though he's a veteran player in LoL he really isn't even in my league. *Smiles* Heh Heh, Finally i understand the Overpowering feeling of Strength. Well, you probably won't see this so... Good for me i guess HAHA. Somehow or another i really got the feeling of wanting to know you better, and perhaps we might even end up more than friends But even if it's not *shrugs shoulders*. Well, this sure is a first for me, accepting someone that isn't ''Pure'' I somehow came to terms that Matured girls of my type definitely are not very ''PURE''. Guess i wouldn't mind giving my firsts all to you i guess. GAH. Perhaps i'm just too love-less and just looking for someone to pour it out to. Whatever it is, I sure hope that When my OCD-ness strikes, It wouldn't be lethal.

Gotta comment that my awesome keyboard is really awesome LOL. The feeling of my fingers trailing all over the keys is simply pure Bliss ~ Mechanical Keyboard, Y U SO touchy <3 ~

Happy with the little things in life...

Well, had to say that i'm really satisfied with my present. The Orgasmic 'Clicky' Sound really gives me absolute pleasure clicking it. *sigh* talk about computer addiction :/ Credit goes to : Gladwin and Sherman for helping me plan and execute my birthday party and present though i had to intervene a little bit. Guess  i was over estimating Sherman's Capabilities. HAHA. GOSH i dont even need to type this post out but guess i just wanna toy with my keyboard abit more ~ Really would recommend this keyboard to anyone that's looking for a Mech keyboard ! Oh and dyed my hair yesterday, Turned out rather green-ish blue than cyan though, but well, can't complain ~ AWESOME is AWESOME :D

Not so sweet 17th ..

Wake up in the morning, first thing i see, : HAPPY BIRTHDAY messages everywhere. But first thing i get into, A HUGE argument with Sherman. Well, he deserved it (sorta). Overall kinda happy with what i've got and what i didn't got. HAHA, i mean, it could get WAY worser right ? *sigh* Guess those that matter don't mind and those that mind, don't matter. Overall, really happy to have you in my life. I mean, you're always constantly behind my back supporting me in whatever way you can. Really Thanks alot. If it weren't for you I'd probably have much more sleepless nights *Sigh* Yes, i'm talking about you, Blur Queen ( congratz on finding my blog url After soo long! )

Quote :  people will remember if they bothered. If they don't, it doesn't mean they don't care. Hmmm... True actually. Well, enough of my wishful thinking of a late but surprise wish. Time to grow up i guess. Though kinda tragic that someone that meant the world to me actually could mean so little now. Heard that you ended up in poly, 

have fun, Enjoy your life and All the best i guess ._.

So much homework, so damn lazy. HAHA rather ironic that i have the time to post and no time to do my homework. LOL. *sigh* hope you people stop thinking that me and her are a couple please. I'm not ready for a relationship now, and besides, she's just a good friend and i plan for it to maintain that way. I don't know you people are envious, trying to poke fun or simply have nothing better to do but please STALPH.

Seeing your pain, wanting to share your burden. reminiscing of the past.

I admit i'm still rather addicted to you, even though i thought i that i would move on like i always would. I just realised that i subconsciencously stopped by your blog everytime i had a chance to. Every single time when i chance upon your recorded message, i would inevitably shed a tear upon hearing your voice. I'm constantly on the verge of trying to talk to you again, but i know there's no room for me anymore. It's just not possible anymore. My impression have been tainted that when ever i thought of you, pain and disgust will fill me. Well, ironic huh. Guess that's one of the side effects of vinegar. Especially over something like a creep.

Hate me for all you want, i don't wanna care anymore. And here's to you people out there that think you're better cuz you're older : _|_. Being older doesn't mean you get all the girls... get all the attention... get everything. Start acting your age please.

So Many Friends Soo little time D: *sigh*

I can feel the heat once again D: Projects, Exams, Friendships and Relationships are all being stretched to the limit. And i'm just to lazy to do anything about it :/ Kudos to my Projectmates where i leave most of the stuff to, My sincerest apologies to those friends that i've neglected.

*sigh* everyday we're getting closer and closer, But i don't wanna ruin it all by taking the wrong step. So i'm just gonna maintain this until i'm 100% sure that it right. I don't want it to end badly, like all your ''Predecessors''

Happy birthday Mun Yong :> Woah we've known each other for ... 10 years ?! Well, suddenly got the urge to give credit to those bros that i've known for a while, so here it goes :
Gladwin : for constantly staying by my side and  faithfully supporting me all the while despite all the many differences we had.
Raphael : for accompanying me through my entire sec 3 and 4 life and being someone that i can rely on.
Timothy : for being a despite 'part-time' but awesome friend whom i can confide in.
Boon Khong : Woah God knows how long it's been since i last typed your name, though we've taken extremely different paths now, undeninably you've been a irreplaceable part of my life.
Last but not least, The ''newcomers''
Guo Qian : Well, i'm rather please with your somewhat fun filled companionship and i'm starting to trust you more and more. I've only recently ( and unknowingly ) started to get closer to you after we got into NP and i'm beginning to see you as another part of my ''bro'' family. Welcome to the group bro !
Jana : Hmmm a really interesting person over all and despite our major differences in characters and personalities, we could really connect on another whole new level. Hope to know you better !
Xin Kai : Woah, this is the first week i've known you as my coursemate and it feels like i've known you for a while. Thanks for constantly helping me whenever i'm in a pinch and thanks for your constant companionship.

Argh homework piling up but i'm soo lazy to move my ass D: *sigh* seems like i'm totally not ready for any relationship or anything like that right now so... Gonna just wait i guess ._. Let time be the tester (:

2 Different Girls, 2 Similar Heart-Breaks 2 Identical Heart-Throb

Yes Yes, i know today is an important day. Yes, i know i'm being a douche bag by purposely not doing or saying anything. Yesterday at exactly 11.59 pm. I was held in place by two opposing forces. To be or not to be . You can Call me a liar, call this a lame excuse for ''forgetting''. Up to you. Though i suppose in the end, it should be a ''to be'' i spent the entire day pondering about this question. Well, here it goes : Happy Birthday, and also the 3rd-month anniversary of our chance meeting. Everything is just so severely broken on both sides now that it'll take much more than another miracle to fix this. I suppose even being friends is rather difficult now. Well, my next year's birthday will be spent with you, i really hope that when that time comes, we'll both be ready. Though i suppose you could end it all with a single sentence : ''I've watched one already.'' Argh, well, Enjoy your time with him and don't forget me yeah? You'll always remain in my heart and mind as Miss Holiday Romance :)

*Sigh* seeing you on the bus is like falling back in love with you and getting hurt all over once again. Upon Seeing your silhouette, my heart's being thorn into a million pieces. I feel the same dread surging  through my veins again. NO WAY i'm gonna let that happen again. So i just pop my headset on being thankful that my music's gonna go through this with me. Alas, the moment you walked pass me, my phone's battery died out. i was caught between ignoring you and talking to you. But i know that it's already too late. So i managed a weak smile and continue pretending that you weren't there anymore. I'm really sorry for being such a Arsehole but i just couldn't stand it anymore...

ARGH. So many questions so little time, so lack of answers. Just as i was feeling rather settled down and could see the Pure white clean slate cover my past regrets and mistakes, my entire world was shaken upside down and the Pure whiteness cloud my vision like a snow-globe. So sorry, i don't have the answers you seek right now. Just a little more. Just let me rest for a little more..

PS : I wanted to be the first, but i knew that it wasn't possible as there's people much more important to you than me so i'll try to be the last. Hope you don't blame me for it.

Fear

I'm hesitating and i will be until things get clear. Second week into poly and i already feel my social life in a major mess. Girls, Girls everywhere. Why can't i just find one that's suitable for me and vice-versa. I can't slowly feel my sleeping hours get lesser and lesser. My usual 8 hour combo is now a privilege, With frequent days with only 6 or even worse 4 D: *sigh* i miss the holidays...

STRESSSS AHHH ~

I have no idea why am i still continuing blogging when i started because of you in the first place. Well, it's a good way for me to dispel my emotions i guess. Poly Day 3 and i'm already feeling the heat already. Well, partially caused by some stupid homework that i don't get what we must do. Another reason is, Well, i'm sure you can guess ; GIRLS. LOL. Well, i'm not in the mood nor am i ready for a relationship so for now, i'm just gonna focus on making friends and friends we shall be until further notice. So much girls, So no mood. *sigh* guess Zavier the Cassanova is FINALLY Maturing. Another problem that's bugging me : PLEASE stop being so sticky Miss *** *** and stop trying to start a convo with me. If i wanna talk to you, i will. All these emotions within me, AHHH only one word can describe them (quote from Kang Gary) : STRESSSSSSSS AH ~

PS: I already felt this premonition when my eyes fell on you. I hereby predict the end within the next  Five months.

Depression

My fruitful holiday's gonna end soon. WAY too soon. I'm still not ready for school yet, i still wanna live my life to the fullest and obey only this Law :

Sleep when i'm tired,

Wake when I'm not,

Eat when i'm hungry,

Play when i'm bored.

Coincidentally, it forms a poem. LOL. Well, Really met awesome people ever since i entered Ngee Ann, especially : Julian, Denise, Jana, Yi Xuan, Lee Wemn, Qi jin, Megan. I really hope i won't lose any of them and that we would grow Closer, Smarter, Stronger together! 

-Zav

Mistake

After days of over thinking, i finally realised what's preventing me from advancing. I realised that all the while ''like you said'' i was just blinded by your light and i actually wasn't your type or you, mine. I can't believe i just saw it only whereas you had the foresight. I'm greatly sorry for causing you all sorts of trouble, tears and pain. Make sure to smile and enjoy life! Goodbye, my holiday romance (:

PS : Cya this 12th. I willl try to sneak out !

PS PS : If not then i'll cya next year 11.06.14

Sometimes, i really wished there was a ''rewind'' button in life ...

Insecurity flooded me today. I woke up feeling extremely regretful and foolish. I loved you so much and missed you more. Why the hell do i have to put up all this drama when i realised that i lost? I guess i was just being a sore-Loser. The more i tried to change for the better, the more the drama drags on. I woke up today, Finally realising what i've been missing out. While i'm stuck in my own delusional world wallowing in self-despair, there's lots of memories to be made, bonds to be forged. Why am i such a God-damned sore-Loser that couldn't accept the fact that i failed (quite badly i might add) whereas others have succeed. I kept wondering if was i not good enough or did i simply take your acts of silence as attraction instead of pity? Gah, i don't wanna care about this anymore. My holiday ends in exactly 11 days and i'm not planning to let these 11 days go to waste. I'm gonna treat it as this is the last 11 days i have with you. I can safely say that i love you and i certainly do not want to lose you. I really can't believe that in my moment of weakness my 'twin' came out and wreak havoc upon my already messed up life. I can't believe i let my twin create a post with vile intentions of inflicting hurt on you. Though i gotta say every time i see another guy in your life the cage holding my twin would rattle. Well, there you have it, my reasons for my mood-swings. Yeah, Zavier go ahead and conjure up more excuses for yourself. GAH, I feel like there's a war going on inside me. uh-oh time to go swimming ~ Well, let me know if you wanna pause the ''one-year plan''. I don't blame you if you don't wanna, I can't stand myself most of the time too. I can imagining meeting myself and i bet i'll have an instant dislike towards me. I sorta figure out why it's kinda meaningless to blog out your life like this... You have multiple readers reading it. Well, for me i only have one faithful reader and i plan to keep the numbers this way. Have a goodnight and i'm looking forward to your reply / morning message tmr ~

PS : Mm, seems like you hate people younger than you, well, i feel you. but don't forget i'm mentally 21 >;)

Warning this following post could induce increased anger and/or flow of tears.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in ~

Well, it's quite true isn't it? You've caused so much and also meant as much. I can slowly feel myself losing grip on you.. and also the source of what made me alive. In just a mere few months i'll be back to the same old Zavier except with a few more cracks on my already damaged heart. But you? HAH, i bet you won't even remember me in 5 years. Well, at least not with the mount of guys flowing into your life. Call me possessive or jealous, I wouldn't even try to deny it. Yes, i AM jealous, and yes i am possessive, but i'm trying to change. Well, this certainly is a first for me, The incredibly egoistic Zavier is willing to change? wow. The incredibly Zavier is willing to change for a girl? WOW. That was the response i received when i met my primary school friends and they asked me why did i change so much. I once had this loooong talk with my bestie Gladwin. We were discussing the matter of your ''value''. I said that your value is priceless. His reply was : But what's yours to her? This question left me speechless. I didn't have the answer to that. Well, i certainly do now, though your value remains the same. Another question that shocked me was : You kept saying that she's not ready, but imagine if you truly love this person, you'll be ready whenever and wherever. Well, i just tried turned a blind ear to his remark, and not let his remark affect me. However, the moment i heard the cold hard truth, my mind wouldn't stop torturing me with despair :  Even the small kid is better than you, she can live her life without you, you and her no longer share any secret, you don't even know who she's talking about on her blog, there's nothing about her that's Zavier-exclusive anymore... Well, recently i heard you're going back to HMD, have fun working there and i'll cya in a year.... if we still matter to us that is...

Happy Easter !

Tears literally flowed like a river the moment i saw your name on my phone. However much i tried to resist not listening to your voice, i succumbed to the temptation... In the end, OMG i was alerted that it was the most played ''song''. Feeling extremely reminiscent i had a sneak peek at your blog, which caused another outflux of tears.. Well, Think of it this way : I'm currently sick right now, so wait til i get better and i promise to treat you right. Merely two days have passed and i'm feeling like a God-damn zombie now... I was dead until the moment I met you. I was a  lifeless corpse pretending to be alive. Living without feelings, without anything to look forward to everyday, A slow boring death awaits me. I am willing to brave all insecurities and pain just to have you at my side. The one year plan shall carry on. I could at least deliver this much. I want to show you two things : that though all jerks are guys, not all guys are jerks. and that ; though all bro-zoned dudes are guys, not all guys should get bro-zoned. One year later, i promise. I will be the living embodiment of the perfect, fit to be your shield and your sword. I'm sick of this Cat and Mouse game, So i'm pulling all the stops out, From now on, it's gonna be three steps forward and no steps back.

-Zav 

PS : I'll be dying my hair red <3 just like you said!

PS ps : Sorry for didnt reply you. I figured if i did, the one year plan would end. So... Cya in a year (;
PS ps PS : Happy Easter! and i'm just gonna treat what you said, as a April fools joke! :D

Ouch.

Can't say i wasn't hurt when i heard that he knows your blog url too. Shock pulsed through my body, shock that he acutally knows (though somehow i wasn't that surprised since he's supposedly closer ) Fear gripped me, Fear of sudden realisation that for the past week you could actually be talking about him ... Or have you been talking about him all the time? Pain shot through me like a bullet through glass, i feel totally shattered, totally wrecked, all of a sudden i feel vunerable, too damn naked as if the only thing protecting me is just a eggshell which just got pierced by a bullet. I can feel my entire world collasping all around me covering me in a painful spiky rubble. Well, what would seem like a better way to kick start a five month suspension than the knowledge that the sole and only platform to share secrets and to indirectly talk to each other is no longer private. The forced feeling of intrusion...  The disgusting feeling of impurity... And after all, Purity Above All.

Chance

Really took me alot of courage to delete my previous post and save both parties from a heartbreak. Just hope i did the right move. No matter what, I'll never let you go. I once had a taste of paradise and i'll be working hard to taste it again. I really really hope i'll never have to post what i had posted, and that tmr, when we both wake up, we'll realise how big of a mistake that we've committed ; that we've almost expelled us from our respective lives.

Doki Doki goes my Heart D:

I started the day wondering how it was gonna end. I know you had expected somethings yet i could not find the courage within to carry out. Partially fear of getting pushed away was also holding me in place. We had a pretty average journey to ECP and started out slowly, gradually gaining momentum and as we walked towards the shoreline, i felt my Courage building and I took the leap of faith and held out my hand to ''lure'' you to the water. The moment your finger tips met mine, it's like my life has finally began and i felt my heart beating with every single step we took *sigh* why can't this moment last forever ;C . I just acted in the moment and held your hand and gripped it tightly (too tightly i might say) *sigh* what can i say, my holiday romance is about to be over and i wanna treasure every single moment together especially a moment that we were connected. I would never want to lose you or have you snatched by me, Sho Soli i had held on to you so tightly :(  Call me desperate for all i care but all i want is for you to be right with me. I bet you're caught in between crying and laughing, so i've just got one final sentence for you : You deserve the very best, so the very best i shall be ! HAHAHA!

Disappointment and jealously flooded me the moment i see the cruel horrible truth. My entire world just crashed on me. Just when i'm finish rebooting, I need to start up my system again .. Seems like my grip on the pole is getting shorter and shorter every day. I feel just like a Butterfly whose wings are slowly clipped one by one. Call me foolish or selfish or possessive if you want, All i need is just you by my side that's all .

Conflicting Emotions

Now i find myself unsure about everything (again) seems like everything i'm working hard to preserve is falling apart.. If being this way really hurts both of us that much then i'd rather not do anything at all. How ironically, despite me saying this, the very thought of us separating is unbearable. Yet on another hand if i were to continue clinging on to you without progressing, only stagnation would occur, Which eventually leads to drifting and ultimately we'll end up barely more than strangers ...

All i wanna do is just to hug you tightly, to keep you close by, to let you know that i'll always be here and that everything would be okay, to not let you slip through my fingers. *sigh* such simple intentions could really be hard to achieve ...

Can't seem to stop getting you outta my mind, perhaps my fortress-like system have finally had a breach. Could this be a sign that you're actually is who i'm searching for? Such naive thoughts attacked my mind night after night kidnapping me from the long arms of dreamland. How long can i relieve this dream before it finally fades away into non-existence ? The thought of us separating had been bearable at the start, now that cruel hard reality is flashing right before my eyes, i realised that it'll be impossible to not talk to you. I just hope that all of this still lasts after 9 more days. The fateful parting. Truth to be told, i have totally no idea what i am doing now. I just don't know anyone anymore, not even myself ... Yet i surge on in this sea of uncertainty leaving my comfort zone way behind and searching for any signs of the light house that'll guide me into your heart.

Tangled in a web of emotions

Every single day, i feel closer yet further from you. Every single day, dreams are harder to become reality yet reality are easier to become dreams. Every single day, Goals seem far away and not a single milestone is within sight.

You're like the ocean. As beautiful and alluring yet simply inconceivable. Ever changing with the tides and constantly causing me to get tangled more and more deeply into the webs of emotions that were spun by your frequent change of attitudes. Warm by day illuminated by the sun, Yet intricate by night, Glowing in the moonlight.

Every inch into the web, my response towards you gets more and more unclear. So much that it blurs the line between teasing and a serious discussion.. Yet, at the end of every night, you leave me with no doubt that my decision to stay on is right <3

Was nearly moved to tears as i read my ''soon-to-be-ex-colleague''s post on her lovely blog. Obviously i'm talking about you, my dearest flowervase (: Truth to be told, i'd rather explain it here through my awesome new wife than WA through my laggy pink phone x.x

 As i started conversing with you through unforgettable early morning chats (which results on multiple objections within my clan )  that would last for hours I started realising that a future with you in it is actually quite within my grasp and not just some holiday romance.
Well, At first i was seriously shocked that you actually feel secured with me and that you actually feel comfortable around me despite us meeting for a mere ten days.. then as we continued this path i could feel a mix of emotions behind that beautiful face of yours ; mostly made up of fear and infatuation. I kept thinking that the reason for your hesitation or your erratic bi-poalar reactions was that  i wasn't good enough or i wasn't giving enough effort. Day by Day i started trying to improve, to strive to be better. Yet with every advancement i had, you took a step back. Close friends adviced that you were just playing hard to get :x

As days went by, i was really in a dilemma as it seems like you're hot then you're cold and it caused my emotions to be jumbled up so badly that i was totally under-performing in matches until two of my best friends had a good talk with me and settled me down. At that time, i still was unsure and confused. I lay in my bed thinking for hours as my brain was overclocking and preventing sleep from reaching me. Everytime i close my eyes, you will always never fail to appear. At then i realised that i was totally head over heels for you and that i must not lose or forget you at all means.

I dreaded the next morning as i know that it would be a world's difference in the way i treat you and yet i was determinded to show that i wasn't severely affected by lastnight's conversation. Originally ignoring you seems to be the best option until i realised that the smile that would instantly brighten up any day wasn't there and a forced grimace took it's place. At that moment when we locked eyes, my heart skipped a beat and it's as if i could feel all your sadness pour into me. It was such a heart-rending moment that i almost broke down into tears. I made a vow at that instant that i would never let that kind of grimace appear on a face that i've came to love ...

Argh. Kinda Screwed my template D: Well, not like anyone's gonna be reading it anyway :P I really thought that you were the one i was looking for. However it seems like it was just wishful thinking on my part. Mmm come to think of it, It really seems quite stupid to think that a frog even attempts to lust for a swans' flesh ._.

OverNight Lan ~

WOAH it seems that this trip to kakabo is almost EXACTLY how i pictured and wrote in my previous posts ~!!! Awesome much ? >:D I hope the Trinity force would be reunited and stay strong ! All we need now is.. a Common enemy. And a major one at that. Then i'm sure that we'll be putting our brains and brawn together ! (:
Well, i've decided to stop looking, but to wait for you to come in my life whenever you're ready (:

LOL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=C4r7R9-nqDw

*Sigh* how i was things were as simple as primary school...

I felt a strong sense of nostalgia as i looked through my Already dead blog's past posts. I sincerely hope that the Trinity Force Combo-ed with The meJai and the Rabadon Would once again put our heads together to bring down the vicious, rude, unfaithful, and evil : BBOM O: And then we would settle for a well deserved overnight at kakabo, With the song  D A N Z A  K U D U R O  Blasting all night long. First, we would spin for a 5v5 premade and we would totally OWN that, followed by a ranked 5v5 premade which we won too ~ Then by then i'm sure they would be bored and start playing their own games. Rabadon would go dragon nest i think O.o, meJai would follow Sheen and play their own games, while Phage and Zeal would play '' ORCS MUST DIE !!! >:D'' Followed by a few rounds of blur which would result in Sheen winning and Phage ending up in the last place ( Again  =-= ) And then, last but not least a tradditional game of  L4D2 ~~ Then we'll go for breakfast and end our journey ~ i sincerely hope this would happen *SIGH*

Just trying to revive my dead-long-ago blog O:

WOW. its been damnnnn long since i posted O_O extreamly beezy i guess... I'm still looking for you. you just seem to be so near yet far ! <,<

HAHa ! The Class BBQ was RILI DAMNNNN fun ~~ WOOHOHO !! On that day i then realise How much i'll miss my Class . . . hiaz. The Overnight Was very fun too ~ haha. My SG skills went a little up ? yeah ! Then i manage to make a appointment with silentkill for a trail :D If i Pwned his arse, i'll not gonna join berserkeR :P haha today saw Onnikureborn! lol He looks like 3 ppl combined : teckYang + Hui Kang + wayne ! LOL. Wah Very tired *yawn*

Still Looking for you [ in case you're wondering, yes i am still looking :D so come in my life soon pls !!!! ]

Today went watch movie with the scouts + Zh :D We watched MegaMind !! lol Fun sia ! Its Pretty funny :) Then i saw and experienced speed hacking OMG ! Its like " WOW "! Cool ~ Then we tried the mastery hack [ but it failed ] LOL.

WOO ! today went out with love [ shi khin :P ] LOL went have scopes ice-cream ! nice :D Aron brought a new friend : his name's larry :D pretty friendly :D LOL well deciding to join berserkeR. Shuld i . . .  hmmm  . . . well giving me a headache !

The Hike was fun :D we were the 1st group to arrive and end ! :D yay ! i'm now 2nd lit green ! Woo ! i also pwned many other Sg-ers ! Muahahah ! i'm starting to move up the ranking of shotguns ! unfortunately ppl have to move on, Our spinesless beloved leader has moved on. Its alright. Althought i am sure we'll miss playing on his side as a comrade. Its time to move on. For everybody.  So i suggest that everyone leave this place filled with defeats, victories and arguments. And when we're better we'll come back and make this clan a top elite clan with multiple members :S That will be my resolve !

I some how feel a difference in SG skill . . . hmmm. I seemed to have improved yet de-proved @ the same time ?! . . . Final conclusion : I improved in some areas while de-proved in others. Haiz . . . Many problems arise : leader jumping clan, sg skill not certain, worry abt next year's class, gonna miss many friends [ not in ranking ] : tim, glad, shi khin, fern, raynold, zhong hao [ and many others  >.< ] And i also worry abt me not being able to cope wif Sg anymore after my sub-zero blood ran out. OMG ! today xiao sia ! 6 wows in a roll ! haha PWNAGE ! WOO ! Hopefully quest for "her" success ! PLS. PLs. PLS let it be completed ASAP !

WOW ! finally ! Over night @ SCOUTS HQ (KKB) Fun sia ! only fern slept ! he was like : ZZZZ all the way ! LOL.We also played wif silent_ A.K.A henry ? was it henry ? O.o forget liao ps :X  My SG skills is begining to improve liao ! SONG ! LOL Then Ranked up ! WOOHOO ! Now 2nd lit red ! MUHaahhaha gladdy gotta hurry to catch up to mi ! Wah then after that everyone was SUPPPPER tired ! slept Then had more fun poking gladdy ! LOL In total, these two days, i Proudly anounced that i got not 1 , not 2, but 5 Silvercookies ! OMG !!! My SG can PWN ppl liao ! WOO ! although i still need to work on some places, I feel that in my opinion, i am already .O.K. liao :D

Where are you, sometimes i just feel like keep running and searching til i find you . . .

Wah AK.B Song Sia ! LOL Can HS quite alot ! But i aian't a match for ppl like tim / ZH ! LOL. Luckily my SG skills didn't went down ! [ haha can maintain ] Today met a nubbie is BS He can't kill much : K.D : 3/5    [ nub] LOL Then Keep KB Say i never cover him properly -.- Then ask him come 1v1 after match. Then he said dog [ calling himself ba ] Then run liao. No balls ! HAAH ! Well i turned into a blue avarta ! OMG ! real pissed by that nubbie -.- ZZZ LOL TMR got scouts cycling trip ! dunno wheather i shuld go anot leh . . . bo $$$. Well To all spineless ppl : feel free to use my acc to use akb / hkf / p90j. Just tell mi and i'll send you the pw. Have a great holiday People ! Wish i can stay and remain in 2[f]orever. LOL well, time to move on i guess. On the last day, We 4 finally did our first and final contribution to 2F ! lols by sharing the prize of the lit competition to the class !

 Its now or ever ! holiday's the best time to look for ppl ! [ if you get it ] looking hardly !

Wah GG man. My SG skills all kenna cut by half D: Die liao la. Hope you 'll come back to me ! Now k.D super Charm. T.T can go drink long gao gui liao -.- Pls i wish you'll come back. Haiz .. .  well while i'm posting, i might as well post the Rings and their Specifications.
~~~~~~~~~~~~CLAN SPINELESS~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Sky : Boss : Able to do  all [ if not most ] Of what the other ring holders can do.
 Sun :Chiongster :can chiong and push the most.
 Rain :Tranqulity :  1 bullet one kill [max 2 bullets ]
 Storm : Un-relentless Attack : Use a gun with 9.++ fire rate and @ least 40 bullets in the ammo.
 Thunder : Meat Sheild : Distractions and coverer.
 Cloud : Strongest, Neutral ally : Occasionally help the Sky holder.
 Mist : Illusions : Hold 2 grenade slots :Must include [choose 2] : [T1/Flashfrag, Red/White smoke, EMP/Flash, Compact/Gas, : Delay opponent and cover teammates.


Sky : Boss I [ everything ]
Sun : Attacker I
Rain : Main Cover I / Attacker III
Storm : Attacker II / cover III
Thunder :Cover II / Distract II
Cloud : Boss II [ everything ]
Mist : Distract I / cover IV.

~~~~~~~~~~~~CLAN SPINELESS~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today Kinda lucky and VEri fun ! OMG ! Went Swimming ! WOOHOO !!! Erm Then Went Khakabo ! Then Erm Knife And Sg mastery up ! shiok ! HAHA ! Came home , Nade MAstery up ! woohoooo ! nice ! Then Play play play til damn nice! :D The Swimming slide kinda fun too ~
           ZZZ. Miss you soo much that i dunno what to say . .  .

OMG ! Comfirmed ! Some time this month, A new SG will be out ! OMG ~ Yay finally. . . But sure got those Nub Arses $$$ wasters Go spam buy that GodDamn Holy SG -.- Well Today Most match all Super Positive :D Abt 99.9 % done. But Still left Precision Shot haven train up yet . . .  Sian Soo much stuff soo little time. . .  Well Done my Calculations, Hopefully i am able to go Double pure science Next year :D HAHA ! Mouse Hunt made me realised that halloween is Around the corner :P BOO ! LOL Hopefully i am able to scare all if not most Bs-er Using a SG :P MUHAahaghagagag ! Hopefully next year theres no one in my new class to distract me D: [ but i won't mind a cute girl >.O ] LOL.
    
  Now my only hope is that next year you come in to my life as a cute, pure and innocent transfer student :L

20/10/10 : Wed !Played BS Failed to hit mai target of masterying up today D: nvm Gambate ! 88.** % liaos !
Today went sch hmmm sort-a decided to chose this Combinations : Double science : Phy + Chem : Combined Humans : Geo + SS :( And The other normal subjects. [ Not sure if got D and T and all those crap . . . , if got then i take D and T lor ] Haiz can say that i attained abt 99% of my skill back. Just that my precision aiming died. But now got Loads more HS ! Duno why leh. Maybe Tyko ?! LOL Hope i Same class wif all my Friends + ClanMates :D


                 This ain't true happiness. I can only feel completed with you by my side. . .

Today went Khakabo Played ! fun sia. Just that the headset sux :X Today played wif a " H " Called : X3screenshot. Kenna Hs by me 2 times in a roll then call me hacker -.- Annoying sia. Faggot. Soo many people can be my witness but that dumbo still insist that i hack. Nth better to do  . . . Shiok sia 23/9 :D SG skill returned by At least 90% Was planing to get colour change by today but Khakabo Do not Support Cherry Credit Top-Up D: Nvm Tmr GQ you betta Send me my Colour man ! LOL Fun Decided to get every main team member a Badge Acording to the KHR Guardians :D
     Although i have found Fun and happiness, They Can't be Compared to The one that you can give me, Its endless.

Today Woke up felt veri sian. SG still can't play. Lost touch liao. Hiaz dunno why :( Well today ranked up ! WOOHOO ! 2ndlit White ! :D well Then i saw my Sg mastery, And i realised that its already 60% WOW ! Just a few days 60+% liao ! Just a few more days/months/years To GOLD SG ! haha With those thoughts in mind i sort-a " Awaken " hahha So now i recovered 70 to 80 % of my skill. Haha great ! the only dumb thing is that some Naggy idiot Keep nagging -.- Pissed my off alot manxz ! Fucking annoying. Got some stupid attitude Problem -.- Fuck la just shutdap and Leave me in peace la -.-

Today went Colo Wif Team Spineless :D Fun ! Turned impossible tides abt 5 times :D came home Sg skill jia lat. CMI liao Now use SG like dumbo like that . . . can't even kill beginers T.T hopefully i can find a new source of aspirations !
                          Please do come in to my life now. Nows the perfect time !

Oops was very busy in the past few days. but it seems my luck's going down hill, Wed : Was late D: die liao cannot be PSL :( Thurs : Gacha expected BP But got enfield + M4 desert T.T then played wif Zhong hao's Team : Thanatos :( Kenna puwned.D: Then i got a damn weird and retarded idea [ seriously bad !] Trying to pre-shot and eventually learn pre-aimshot :D failed terriblely . As a result, my precision aiming decreased and so has my pre-shot :( Using silencer was a very bad choice  . . .  Today went celevbate Nicole's B-dae ! haha happy birthday nicole :D Went cycling kinda easy now. hmmm bought a cheese cake that i did not eat [ i dun like solid cheese]. Today my comfidence and skill in Sg went into the gutters . . .

       please i need you now more then ever come in ! Give me strenght and aspiration in shotgun pls come.

Today everthing went wrong ! I was late then i got recorded down. My art was screwed my home econ is still okay. Today Cw kenna pwn-ed like mad then no mood but still play then K.D Dropped like siao . . . Sian Then anderson + Ding wei didn't clear up properly hence as a result, My supply of free N.A.L was gone -.- They better do smt abt it =.= Then i realised what juliet meant . . . Pretty 5tupid if you ask me . . . Well I have decided not to care anymore. Stupid *********** -.- fucking dumbass so what if i go home ? Isint it better than going out and roaming around ? Fucking dumb idiot No fucking brains -.- Why can't you just understand me ? Like every other normal male teenager i have a need for games So what if i went home and play ? so what ? So whats if its exam period, So what ? Can de-stress right ? Dumbo *&^%$#@! The only good thing is that i saw Jun Long. Thanks for making me smile Today ! Seems like i keep meeting up with my old friends . . . hmmm Is it an omen that i shuld host a gathering ? . . . Nah. dun wanna go through the trouble of planning again [ unless i rili got to]

               I realised that forcing my good intension on other people is as good as a crime.


                The only one that can make me a miracle is you dear. But where are you when i need you ? Nowhere to be found. Or not found yet to be exact.

Today, Science test. Wah Difficulty : medium. Today Bought a new trap ! The Nivdia Force field ! lol Credits : john, Aron and Most importantly RAYNOLD ! haha Thx guys ~ tmr art + home econ exam. Hiaz currently can't wait for 3 things, The end of exam, The senior's camp and my future one . . . I can't seem to find her. Its more difficult than looking for a needle in a hay stack [ dunno why they said this sia, just use a magnet] *okay re-phrase! Its more difficult than looking for a stone in a ocean ? lol. now tiny bit of sore throat . . . Hope i get better soon ! then can enjoy my holidays ! woo ! Today CW most of my kills all HS But problem is that ? i killed veri little ! Skyping is super fun :D Seriously i needa faster chiong my SG skills ! If not i am gonna be the only feeder in my clan's team one . . . Sian T.T Can't use com in the next few days kenna restricted cuz exam . . . Nvm i will find excuses to keep posting ! Hopefully tmr's exam's a breeze !

        I need you. Please come into my life and turn my this wreak of  life "¡ uʍop ǝpısdn"

Confirmed ! My post can only be seen by users of : Google Chrome, Mozila fire fox and phone browsers :( Sad for IE users :P. Today chiong Watch KHR (katekyo hitman reborn !) lol Starting to find it interesting :D Went to cut my hair. Came back study science and then did house work. Lol. Got a new webcam :D from now on gonna camp @ home and skype to my content ! lol Tmr science and literature. Hopefully i can get through this stage with Flying colours !
                                     Looking desprately and hardly for you ! But its all in vain  . . .

        ~~~~~~~Oops. Yesterday forgotten to post again . . . nvm i post now.  ~~~~~~~~~~~
8/10/10 : Erm Today Got GEO + maths test paper 1. Geo is kinda okay. but maths is easy ! [ i think ] Then when C.A.M Wif shikhin and TYSON.Thx to shikhin for lending me her notes :D. lol I let him have a taste of BS. He kinda CUI. Exactly like when everybody first time play. Well then PWN noobs in normal chl wif a SG ! lol. Thoughs : You're starting to make me worrie about you . . .


9/10/10 : Today went SCOUT. N.A.L fun sia. K.D Positive in every match :D E.G : 20/10 Smt like that :D. Today glad on God Grenade Hack. SD Match : Double Kill, WOW ! . Next match : Double kill, WOW ! Next match : Ultra kill, WOW! , WOW !. WTH . . . Then Next match. My turn : Same as his I just lacking behind the last ultra kill -.- Lucky Bastard. Then keep playing and my K.D Rises. Now I can play better in broken cage. :D Well i cna safely say that my precision Aiming shot 70% Mastered :D

     Hiaz. My worrie for you is deepening. Cheer Up And please stop feeling soo down.

SIANXZS Man. Tomorrow's the geo + Maths paper . . . Why Can't you just jam all the Damn exams in one day sia . Feeling the tension of many relations being strained. ♠ Friendship ♠ Love ♠ Social life . . . Many friends can falling out with each other and me. As for love, haiz. My Dream girl still haven appeared. And the mountain of stress is Getting higher and higher every single day. Blackshot . . . Shotgun . . . K.D . . . School Life . . . Friendships . . . Relationships . . . trust . . . Family . . . Surprizingly , I enjoyed my last day of studying. It doesn't seem too boring anymore ? Haiz to be thinking these thoughts. I must be going mad.
  *BTW* Sry. i Dun rili know how to console people . . .


                  Darling, Please come into my life soon and turn it all around. I need you.

Sian. Suspecting there's smt wrong wif my blog . . .  Dun think anybody can see this post or the other posts i made ? . . . [ if you can see this please report in my c-box thx ~] Today. Chinese and english finally more slack ! WOo ! But history lesson suck the most man ! ALmost fell asleep. Next year i will be nuts if i continue taking history :P So i just have ta bear wif it til next thurs ! Then it can kiss me good bye BItCHXZ !
Shotgun . Shotgun . Shotgun  . . .  Today i sort-a revised how to do precision aiming . :D Muz Train more ! after exam i am soo gonna stay and rot in front of my com and SPammm Mastery ! Aimming to get Gold SG by the end of erm  . . . next year end ? Har Na Har Na i know la you other ppl can spam and chiong faster. I also know that you all play better wif more kills and higher K.D . . . SO what ? I bet i am soo gonna catch up to your level soon ! Cya At the top ~

Chinese Exam ?! SUXxXxX ! I shuldnt take Chinese ! Its dragging my grades down D: Wrote Crap for Compo ! Totally Crap just to hit the Word criteria :P The only think that i got faith is Paper 2 ! Suddently Got the feeling to go N♠A♠L lol. And i did : Follow the Feeling : chapter 2 : Book : "The Secret" lol. Veri CUI ! But Managed to get the Remaining Jewels in my life communicate :D Well i think its safe to say that the Battle is finally over :D Haha WOO ! Well Went C♠A♠M And saw Nicole Yang. Another old friend of mine. It seems nowadays i keep meeting my old friends. wonder if the universe is hinting anything to me . . . HMMM . . . lol. HAH ! PWNED Pokemon in PCC Today ! Won back my lost ! PCC = Play Chinese Chess. >.<




          My love for you grows deeper With each passing moment. And so have my Lust for you. . .

Oops. Forgot to post yesterday :P Well guess i have ta post now :D

Monday : P.E, not much fun [ soccer ]>.< Chem, Cher Bias ! Let girls go for recess 1st . . . English . . . AFTER SCHOOL !!! WOO ! Bought lunch then about to eat alone, I saw Xin Tong :D Ate together, then went BasketBall Court. Met Shawn N John. Then went LiaBaRay study GEO. Went home Saw wendy chat, chat, chat. Shitx man ! Tmr Chinese Didnt and can't study . . . Yay Got my " The secret" book :D

Sunday : Did hse work. OMG Broke my record ! Last time i used 2 hours , then i used 1 hour. And now i am using 45 mins !? LOL. Saw Wen Hui Sis at the " shop N save " lol She's Friggin TALL !

              Missing you more and more, Problem ? Dunno Who you are :(

Yay ! Today made a revolution on my blog :D new skin and ETC Nice ! Watch a cool vid just now. Interesting :D Awwww Sad one of my favourite bbt shop closed down :( SAddddd !

1. 10. 10

English test :( but it was easy {Sorta} :D Made a deal last night. Wondering if its still working. Wrote number 5 . . .      * Hey ! this is weird ! I'm the one thats suppose to be angry and not you ! ARGH !
Sian BS more and more CUI now sunk to the level of noobs . . . Maybe i shuld switch to crossfire . . .

Day this Blog Came into existence.

*Date : 30. september. 2010*        *Time : 6.14.*
*Events : Preparation for Examinations :(, found out that i kenna Lied to by my friends . . . And one of them is my closest friend. Betrayed. And Sad. Not to mention STRESSED !